Personal Note on Mother’s Day
I was thinking about what to write about for Mother’s Day today. What is a mother?
My abuelita in Mexico knew all the names and details of all my cousins (there were over 40). She at one point or another changed a diaper, bathed us, fed us, advised our mothers on how to raise us, made sure we knew the rosary, drilled us on the history of our family, always knew our birthday, organized the massive Christmas reunions, scolded us for being cochino, and hugged us when we were sad. She had more energy than any person I have ever known since. She was always a happy and cheerful person but wore black everyday from the time my grandfather died in the early sixties until her own death almost 40 years later. When I was in the American Army she once asked me if I would kill Mexicans if we went to war with Mexico, of course, I replied that was a silly question. Although she did not have a college education she was my grandfather’s legal secretary and the rumor goes the success of his legal career. It was years later that I realized she asked that question not because it was a choice to be made but rather an intellectual point to be made that we all need to see as humans what we share and work together not fight over where we differ.
My late mother grew up during the Great Depression in the ethnic neighborhoods of Pittsburg. As a girl at age 11 she helped her mother make extra money by doing make-up and fixing the hair of the deceased to prepare them for wakes. My grandmother died of tuberculosis on cold winter night before my mother was a teenager. Typical of the time, her father did not think it appropriate for her to go to college so at age eighteen she left Pittsburg and ended up in learning Spanish and living in Mexico. When we were children she always stressed the importance of reading and would make all the children sit around the table to read out loud. When I was in college and graduate school she called me literally everyday and asked the usual questions that young men always get from their mother. “Are you eating, do you have enough money, are you brushing your teeth, do you have a girlfriend?”. Like many sons do with their mother I sometimes rushed to end the conversation because I “had better things to do”. I had always planned to spend more time with her and buy her things once I finished graduate school but she died suddenly before I finished. That was the worst pain I have ever felt and it is still with me today.
My wife’s family was suddenly displaced from Cuba by the Castro regime and came to Florida. As a high school and college student she worked almost full time, helped raise her three brothers and take care her elderly relatives living with the family, AND maintained an academic full scholarship. When she got her MBA she could have taken any job with a Fortune 500 company because of her background. She had successfully ran an information software system for a medical research program while still in school. When our three children came, she decided that they took priority over her own career potentials so she became a soccer mom. Dance lessons, piano lessons, pediatrician’s visits, school auctions, parent teacher conferences, soccer practice, school clothes, school detentions, summer camp, play visits, recitals and everything else possible she has done for almost twenty years everyday. In addition to which she devotes tons of time to the Boy Scouts and missionary work.
These are some of the women in my life I have known as mothers. There are millions of them through out the world. For a mother there is always someone who comes first before them: a child, a relative, or just another human being in need. They seem to thrive on nurturing us even in the face of severe hardship. Do not forget them or take them for granted. When your mother calls give her a little time because she has given you your life.